Where has the time gone? 

Wind chill don’t seem to bother this one. I open the balcony door for her and watch her stash as many dried leaves as her little palms will let her. She is desperate to taste the muddy leaves but holds herself back for she knows her mama won’t let her. She looks around to see if I’m watching her and sneak in a bite somehow. I wish I wasn’t but I always am, like a hawk might I add. I smile at her and she knows what I’m about to say. ‘No no’ she says pointing her muddy leafy finger at me- sounding, looking and smiling exactly like me. I spend every second with my baby and yet I have no clue how the months have flown by. Sigh. Where has the time gone? 

Hiding behind the drapes, asking me to open the door for the hundredth time. I love this feisty little girl with all I have. 

One year! 

I wonder if she will remember this year of her life when she grows up- her tiny body curled up against mine nursing and napping on repeat, all day, everyday. I wonder if she remembers that early morning nursing session when she woke up and her sleepy eyes looked straight into mine and smiled for the very first time. I wonder if she will miss sleeping in the embrace of my iron clad arms. (At one point I was convinced that I will need an arm replacement surgery!) I wonder if the bags under my eyes will remind her of the time she kept me up all night, wanting to nurse and refusing to sleep. I wonder if she will ever truly understand how I have dedicated every ounce of my existence to help her thrive. I wonder if she will ever realize what a powerful and an overwhelmingly beautiful influence she has been in my life. 
Well, there is a good chance she won’t remember any of it. Heck, there is a good chance even I won’t remember all of it. But you know what, it doesn’t matter. If anything, the very core of our relationship has been built on the incredible experiences we have shared together. And to say that nursing her was in some way or another an indispensable part of every one of our adventures these last twelve months would be an understatement. Nursing for me is not a thing that I accomplished but a feeling. An indescribable feeling of love that my daughter and I will carry in our hearts forever that our minds will soon forget. Sigh. 

Mihira, my little love, your dad and I love you more than we are willing to admit. We are absolutely thrilled to have you in our lives and so dang proud of every little thing you have accomplished this year. We adore your feisty personality and beyond excited to watch you grow. 

Happy first birthday baby! 

39 week and 4 days ago…

Exactly 39 weeks and 4 days ago, I went into labor after carrying mihi for 39 weeks and 4 days. It was the mostintense, nerve-wrecking experience of my life but it was also the most beautiful.That night, after I watched what my body endured to bring my baby into this world, I will never be able to find flaws with the way it simply ‘looks’. My body grew my baby from ground up and safeguarded it until the very second that it trusted my arms to proceed caring for her. 

Well, this also means that Mihi has known the world outside just as much as from the inside of my womb. I can’t help but ask myself if she remembers any of it? Do you think she misses it? What a bittersweet feeling this is. The tiniest possibility that she may have completely forgotten about what it was like on the inside, breaks my heart, just a little bit. But the fact that she is here with us, day and night, giggling, screaming and driving us crazy makes me so happy. Our baby girl, this precious little baby girl is ours and just how lucky are we! 

One from our maternity photoshoot last year. Sigh. 

That toothless grin 

Mihi is teething, a little white bud has popped that looks red-ish today. She won’t let me get a good look at it but I’m positive that a mean tooth is on it’s way hurting my poor baby. She won’t let me put her down, she won’t nurse, she won’t play and she won’t (wait for it…) sleep! She is clearly in pain and I’m clearly exhausted. 

I’m also really sad because i’ll miss watching that toothless grin more than anything else. And teeth will make my little baby … err… look grown up :-( I’m not ready for that transformation just yet. Her gummy smiles are healing and therapeutic, they put a bandaid on my problems, lifting my spirits up almost instantly. And I will miss it so so much. I’m sure the one with teeth will be just as precious, but this marks the end of an era for me. 

My baby girl is 8 months old already and I know that time has flown by quick, but somehow the pop of a tiny tooth bud has hit me with the force of a thousand bricks. Wait. We just brought her home from the hospital. A tiny little baby who slept without a peep in the crevice of my arms oblivious to the world around her- nursing and napping on repeat. Today, she is babbling words, sitting, crawling, clapping and waving, hugging and kissing. She has a favorite food, a favorite book and a favorite song. She already has a fierce personality and a heart of gold. My Mihira is pure magic, you guys!

Her toothless gummy smile will be sorely missed! *sniff-sniff* 

Morning shenanigans

I lay you down on your tummy, you whimper for a second. I am desperate for a cup of coffee so I start to walk towards the kitchen, away from you. You look up at me with those beautiful brown eyes and whimper again. I stop, turn around, make a funny face to get you to smile. You barely smile. But for some reason though, I cannot take my eyes off your sweet face so I continue making faces at you. Your eyes light up then loud giggles follow- probably hoping for me to forget all else and come pick you up? Typically, morning coffee is non-negotiable but today, I say screw it and lie down next to you. Thrilled, you hold my face with your tiny paws, blow raspberries and shriek excitedly. More giggles.And then some more.

I had been away from you for less than a minute, that is all. One.minute. 

I don’t know about spoiling you, but you’ve spoiled me rotten with your love! What’s going to happen to me when I am not your favorite person anymore? 

Smothering love

Until recently, I was all hung up about quitting my job to raise our daughter. It was solely my decision and yet, it felt as if I was making a huge sacrifice. Well, may be it is a huge sacrifice may be its nothing at all. However, I woke up one morning and there was a tiny baby sleeping on my bed- staring at me and giggling like a fool! I was within her arm’s reach, so she touched my face with her slobber coated fist (her mouth has found her hand and how!) desperately waiting for me to pick her up. It’s incredible how the littlest things often put everything into perspective. 

Well, I’ve dedicated every ounce of my existence to help her thrive, teaching her things I deem important. In return, she is teaching me how to love- truly, madly, deeply without boundaries or sense of space. Honestly though, her love has crushed my ego in ways I cannot describe- piercing right through to my soul. A love so powerful that it’s darn near killing me and toughening me up bit by bit to brace what has been, THE ride of my life! All I know is that I cannot live without it anymore. 

I’m positive I’ll make time to pen down everything I feel one of these days (nights?). Until then, I have somewhere to be- somewhere beautiful, someplace magical. 

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