I take Mihi to a park close by almost every day. She loves the place and LOVES their swing and won’t get off of it without tears. I tell her that we have to give others a chance and we can come back later. She doesn’t care about what I have to say but I lure her with a toy or sing her favorite song and it works. Sort of.
When we went to the park today, it was slushy, cold and not to mention empty unlike every other day when it’s bustling with kids all around. After a few minutes on the swing Mihi put her arms up in the air followed by ‘haq haq haq’ (she means hug. And yes, she looks just as cute as she sounds- saying it). She got out of it voluntarily and just wanted to be held. Now, I don’t know why she wasn’t having it in her usual swing today but I chanced upon the fact that the big kids’ swing was free and took my cuddly baby with me. Six degree wind and grey clouds have never felt better. I hugged her tight and we started swaying. A few minutes in and without my knowledge, I was humming her favorite song, breathing in the scent of her strawberry smelling hair and reveling in the most magical embrace I have ever felt. And you know what? I know she felt it too. It was as if she was telling me ‘mama, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be’ with the way she was hugging me back and resting her face on my chest. Babies man! They tug at your heartstrings without the slightest hint and just when you think you could possibly not love your baby anymore than you already do, you surprise yourself.
… we found out I was pregnant.
I had spent the day at a friends’ and I casually happened to mention to her how my breathing rate and appetite had gone up all of a sudden, for no apparent reason. With a raised brow she asked me if I was pregnant. I laughed and shrugged off the possibility almost immediately with a – ‘What?! Noway! Pregnant? Nope!’ she grinned and excused herself to make us both some coffee. I was in the living room by myself and for a second there, my heart raced a thousand miles and my mind blanked the heck out. I had never been pregnant before, but I knew. I knew I was pregnant. I never could finish that coffee and left feeling strange in my own skin, with a lump in my throat.
What transpired over the next few weeks is a long story but what a terrific journey it’s been. I’m so thankful that Mihi chose our home. She is the absolute joy of our lives.
I wonder if she will remember this year of her life when she grows up- her tiny body curled up against mine nursing and napping on repeat, all day, everyday. I wonder if she remembers that early morning nursing session when she woke up and her sleepy eyes looked straight into mine and smiled for the very first time. I wonder if she will miss sleeping in the embrace of my iron clad arms. (At one point I was convinced that I will need an arm replacement surgery!) I wonder if the bags under my eyes will remind her of the time she kept me up all night, wanting to nurse and refusing to sleep. I wonder if she will ever truly understand how I have dedicated every ounce of my existence to help her thrive. I wonder if she will ever realize what a powerful and an overwhelmingly beautiful influence she has been in my life.
Well, there is a good chance she won’t remember any of it. Heck, there is a good chance even I won’t remember all of it. But you know what, it doesn’t matter. If anything, the very core of our relationship has been built on the incredible experiences we have shared together. And to say that nursing her was in some way or another an indispensable part of every one of our adventures these last twelve months would be an understatement. Nursing for me is not a thing that I accomplished but a feeling. An indescribable feeling of love that my daughter and I will carry in our hearts forever that our minds will soon forget. Sigh.
Mihira, my little love, your dad and I love you more than we are willing to admit. We are absolutely thrilled to have you in our lives and so dang proud of every little thing you have accomplished this year. We adore your feisty personality and beyond excited to watch you grow.
Happy first birthday baby!
Exactly 39 weeks and 4 days ago, I went into labor after carrying mihi for 39 weeks and 4 days. It was the mostintense, nerve-wrecking experience of my life but it was also the most beautiful.That night, after I watched what my body endured to bring my baby into this world, I will never be able to find flaws with the way it simply ‘looks’. My body grew my baby from ground up and safeguarded it until the very second that it trusted my arms to proceed caring for her.
Well, this also means that Mihi has known the world outside just as much as from the inside of my womb. I can’t help but ask myself if she remembers any of it? Do you think she misses it? What a bittersweet feeling this is. The tiniest possibility that she may have completely forgotten about what it was like on the inside, breaks my heart, just a little bit. But the fact that she is here with us, day and night, giggling, screaming and driving us crazy makes me so happy. Our baby girl, this precious little baby girl is ours and just how lucky are we!
One from our maternity photoshoot last year. Sigh.
Mihi is teething, a little white bud has popped that looks red-ish today. She won’t let me get a good look at it but I’m positive that a mean tooth is on it’s way hurting my poor baby. She won’t let me put her down, she won’t nurse, she won’t play and she won’t (wait for it…) sleep! She is clearly in pain and I’m clearly exhausted.
I’m also really sad because i’ll miss watching that toothless grin more than anything else. And teeth will make my little baby … err… look grown up :-( I’m not ready for that transformation just yet. Her gummy smiles are healing and therapeutic, they put a bandaid on my problems, lifting my spirits up almost instantly. And I will miss it so so much. I’m sure the one with teeth will be just as precious, but this marks the end of an era for me.
My baby girl is 8 months old already and I know that time has flown by quick, but somehow the pop of a tiny tooth bud has hit me with the force of a thousand bricks. Wait. We just brought her home from the hospital. A tiny little baby who slept without a peep in the crevice of my arms oblivious to the world around her- nursing and napping on repeat. Today, she is babbling words, sitting, crawling, clapping and waving, hugging and kissing. She has a favorite food, a favorite book and a favorite song. She already has a fierce personality and a heart of gold. My Mihira is pure magic, you guys!
Her toothless gummy smile will be sorely missed! *sniff-sniff*