I reached office and got busy with stuff. Thirty minutes later, I got a call from Murali. ‘Can you come out for a second?’ he said. Floored, I rushed out the door and there he was with a bag full of food for his hungry wife. You see I had spilled all of the smoothie I had made this morning and left for work rather downcast, so he made a fresh batch after I’d left and drove all the way to my office. He cupped my cheek and said ‘You looked so sad when you left, I felt bad that you didn’t have anything to eat, so here’ and placed the bag in my hand and left. This small ordeal took two and a half hours of his time on a Thursday morning but who is counting? I waved- with a lump in my throat, eyes fogged up and an over enthusiastic baby flip-flopping in my belly, as he drove past me. If these two minutes are anything to go by, I’d say I have a pretty fantastic life.
The answer is YES! I miss my second month symptoms though. The complete aversion to food was a constant reminder of what was happening but that mess ended a while ago. Right now, I’m just having the time.of.my.life!
After installing the ‘what to expect’ app and joining the mommies-to-be community, I was convinced that we (the baby and I) are doing it all wrong because expecting mothers yammered about morning sickness, excess weight gain, cravings, how pregnancy feels like a breast implant they’ve been waiting for, why they hate their husbands, in-laws, parents and debate cloth diapers vs. regular diapers, boy vs. girl, breastfeeding woes and share gender reveal ultrasound pictures. (Eww! why would I want random strangers to see my baby’s private parts in utero?). Don’t get me wrong, I’m actually loving this pregnancy and my baby (for going easy on me) so, I restfully removed myself from the gabby community for both our sakes. Good grief! This mommy-abstractedness is repelling. I’m not saying all this is not important, but come on, we can all take a moment to actually try bonding with our babies instead of talking about it non-stop! No judgments here (okay maybe I am being a little judgmental, shoot me), but give it a break ladies. If this isn’t a good time to ‘live in the moment’, nothing else is.
I do enjoy talking about my shape-shifting personality occasionally. But, it’s not all about expressing, is it? Sure, I can always find someone to talk to, but discoursing the nitty-gritties alone does not make one feel included, cared for or loved. Not really.
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you all to my morning ritual. The alarm goes off, I wake up, take my meds and go back to bed. We keep the windows open now, so I hear the birds chirping in the background. I relocate closer to a snoring Murali, put my palm on my belly and listen. Listen to myself and to her. I close my eyes, imagine, dream and hope. Does she have my curls and dimples? Murali’s big eyes and long nose? Is my body really making this tiny human grow? I smile, even without trying and thank someone up there, despite the lack of belief. These few minutes with myself makes me feel like I’ve got this, if you know what I mean. Surely I’ll end up being ill-informed for I don’t fret about C-section or epidural, but I’m not trading these ten minutes for anything or anyone. Is it possible that I don’t want to be prepared because I’m not there yet? Maybe. Where I am at is beautiful though, magical even. And that is enough for now. Today, I am sharing my blood and gut with my baby, I’m making space for her growing body in mine and we are sharing everything – from spicy fried tofu to our deepest insecurities, both her and I, day and night. I know she’ll be all set to fly solo tomorrow, but at this very moment, we are relying on each other’s lives to sway back and forth, to flourish.
Never mind that Murali didn’t notice when my locks went four inches shorter but he has been calling me ‘pretty’ repeatedly which is very unlike him. The first time he said it, I responded bluntly, ‘Okay, what do you really want?’ but I’m slowly getting used to it. Truth be told? HE is making my metamorphosis look pretty (& easy) nudging me to stop and smell the roses every so often. He has taken up a vast majority of domestic responsibilities upon himself and pulling his share with dignity and love. I hurriedly get ready for work – Aloe gel, a stroke of kajal, orange lips and a drizzle of Chanel (my musts and only) and he casually walks into the room sipping his morning coffee. Then, he says it when I least expect it, ‘You look pretty today!’ every day. ‘May be you are glowing, I don’t know’, he adds and I beam, instantly. Modesty is not for mortals like me, so I accept his compliment wholeheartedly, ‘Yea I think I’m glowing too!’ I state as a matter-of-factly and kiss his coffee stained lips good day and head out to conquer the world… err… work.
We are traveling every weekend and come back home exhausted. Just the way I know how to live. For now, I’ll leave you all with childhood pictures of him and I, we were both under the age of one when these were taken. WARNING: ANY rude comment (make that any comment) about my hair will not be taken lightly. Thank you.
As all of you know (all of you?? Okay, I like the illusion that a lot of people read this blog, so just play along, will ya?) that I’ve been working my butt off every day in –
And for the very first time in my life, Continue reading
‘It’s different now’ they said. ‘Being married is not the same as dating, just remember that.’ they reiterated. And I had no idea what my married friends were talking about, well, if I didn’t want to give into indulgent refinements after marriage, then why go lengths to stay together? I thought to myself and shrugged it off.
We’d hit the half yearly mark and I started telling myself, “He is doing this on purpose!”, “He doesn’t love me anymore!” because that’s how it felt. We’d wake up combat-ready, getting on each others’ nerves day after day, week after week, reaching that ‘You did it first’ ‘You said that first’ phase. When my favorite song was being aired, he was quick to change the radio station just to piss me off and Continue reading
We’ve celebrated 14 of your 28 birthdays together. You know, that does make us seem like an old couple? Since we’ve been a real couple only for the last 6 years, your friendship reigns your love by 2 years. Okay, why am I talking about us being a couple again?? This was supposed to be your birthday post and I was not supposed to talk about myself! Bah, had I mustered a brave core and gotten two good sentences out of my mouth without crying an ocean yesterday, we could’ve averted this nullity altogether. Right?
I want to talk about your accomplishments and where you are headed, but Continue reading
It has been a little over three years since I’ve started my professional life after post grad. I completed an year with my current employer last month and I’m glad that it has worked out for me the way it has. Except the dreaded travel bit that I go through every day, I like how my day goes.
I’m an early bird, by early I mean I’m in office by 7.30 in the morning after a 45 minute drive. And I wrap up somewhere between 4.00 to 5.00 in the evening. I come back home, watch TV, read, work out occasionally, go out for a walk, take pictures and Continue reading