I knew it the moment I felt that I was pregnant. I knew it the second my instinct was confirmed by two pink lines. I knew we were having a daughter. I knew it long before we took that gender verify test. I just knew.
But then, how could I have possibly ‘known’ right? Based on what really? People would ask me for my symptoms and declare I was having a boy. I’d laugh and just say ‘Okay’ and not argue simply because the basis of my argument was just as jerky as theirs’.
Well, no sensible answer to that question really. If only everything we do was driven by logic, then, we won’t be having this baby in the first place. I mean, let’s be honest here. My husband and I are independent, we travel to beautiful places every year, we binge watch TV even if it means we watch Interstellar over and over again (seriously what a brilliant movie! I have a huge crush on Matthew McConaughey AND Anne Hathaway after watching this movie. I don’t know if space scientists at NASA make decisions based on emotions, feelings, love, gut feeling, ever, but if they really do, then it makes me feel a little better about myself). Like I said, we must really be crazy for willingly wanting to go down this path but hey, what is life without a little craziness?
Now for some exciting bit. She has her tiny heart beating 174 times per minute, I can tell that she has my nose from the ultrasound but Murali does not agree, I think he is just jealous that she picked my nose. She has tiny paws (for now) plus feet and she was flipping like a dolphin during the scan, moving constantly. She is already a whole other person and I don’t think she knows that. I am falling in love with the uncertainty that this relationship brings every day. The physical, psychological, emotional changes in all its entirety so naturally, so quietly.
I sure do wish we were millionaires though. That way, we didn’t have to work as hard or as long and be living in a huge mansion with a big backyard, wooden swing on the front porch with a couple of Labradors running around wild and free. Someday. We’ll make that our goal for the next baby! This one will have to make do in our tiny two bedroom apartment and swing in the warmth of my arms for now.
I can’t believe I’m 12 weeks already. Already! These moments are fleeting and my memory is escaping me quickly. Though mundane, I know reading back on this time of our lives in the future will be delightful. That’s what this space is for after all.